I felt a change......a shift. .....I coined it ........Ownership!
Not home ownership ... car ownership ..designer bag ownership, this was not material in nature even a little bit but. rather .....
Ownership of my life... on my terms....... My Stage...My Story......My Life...YASS!
A "I don't really care how you feel or take this but ___________ "attitude.
A " Well, that is not quite the look I am going for but I have a plan and am fabulous anyway" attitude.
A" My time is better spent doing X (fill in the blank with anything.. taking a bath, feeding the homeless, putting my kids to bed, painting my toe nails, A girl's night in the city! anything but that) attitude.
This feeling of ownership sprang up in situations where I least expected it. It was almost Euphoric.
Areas where I would naturally acquiesce due to some level of loyalty for whatever reason,
"No!" or a "No, I will not be able to! " became so much easier.
I felt like Steve Urkele, "Did I do that!"
Each time I asserted myself, a shackle to my invisible chains of people pleasing, looking for people's approval about my own life choices and self deprecation seemed to break and I began to move closer to my own emotional freedom. If you had asked me prior to this "new awakening" I would have said I had acquired this type of freedom when I turned 18 and left for college.
I have been an executive for many years, so I would not say that I was afraid of asserting my position in the boardroom but in areas of the heart.. family, friends and even to myself, I struggled like so many other Strong women do.
I sat with my sister- in- law at my 40th Birthday party and she said, "You feel different don't you?" and finally I realized that I was not alone.It was an 'AHA' moment like Oprah says. My sis-in-law understood and I understood. She laughed. We took a shot of something strong and the merriment continued.
"You gave me life like oxygen!" I told her. I told her that I have been grown a long time but now I feel like I am Embracing my GROWN!
"Embrace my GROWN is my new mantra!"
Embrace My GROWN means:
I will EMBRACE:
G- Giving more of myself to myself
R- Realizing my full worth and not settling for anyone or anything that blocks my shine!
O-Owning my life in every sense of the word!
W-What I feel without apology. I am wise enough to make my own decisions and old enough to live with the results!
N- No! No is not a bad word. People pleasing is so last decade.
|Adinkra symbol for independence"Independence comes with its responsibilities."|